Sabina's Inbox

For as long as I can remember I've been the type of girl whose down to handle uncomfortable situations. I mean, I'm not afraid of anything and I mean anything, confrontation doesn't worry me.

Do you need someone to come out to your parents with?
Do you need someone to tell the waitress that this steak tastes like shit?
Do you need me to argue with ATT about your data overage charge?
Do you need me to break up with your boyfriend for you?
Do you need me to pretend to be your 47 year old boss as a reference?
Do you need me to back you in a fight that we're clearly going to lose?
I'm your girl.

I mean I'm just not scared, if anything I live for improvisation, for thrills and spontaneity. So much so, I've been told from people from my past (and some from my present) that I'm just too much of a "go with the flow" kind of girl and they're right.

I am.

And that comment had been weighing on my mind for weeks because what does it mean?
Does it mean I'm irresponsible?
Does it mean I don't care?
Does it mean I'm not there for anyone?
Does it mean I don't fight for what I want?
Does it mean I have no plans?
Does it mean there is something wrong with me?
Because maybe.. the way it was told to me was intended to mean those exact things.

And so I sat and wondered, my subconscious running through those words at always two speeds faster than necessary. You'd think I have ADD and maybe I do, who knows, I'm too much of a go with the flow kind of girl to go check.

And you know, looking at my questions, I can easily answer them myself.

I'm insanely irresponsible when it comes to taking shots in a foreign city off a drunk bartenders stomach named Cassandra but I'm always at work on time, getting my shit done and paying my damn bills (ugh I have them now and they suck monkey balls).

And yeah, I don't care.. I don't care about anyone who doesn't care about me, y'all can suck it whoever you are but to people I love even the smallest, itsy bitsy amount, if I have any love left.. I'll probably run across the world for you, imagine what I'd do for those I love a whole lot.

And it's true, I've forgotten birthdays. I'm always running late to events, even my own (except work because I'd like to keep my job), I have been late to moments where my friends needed me but I have never, not once in my life not been there. There's a reason I started this rant with "do you need.." because I may run to the beat of my own drum but that doesn't mean I'm not going to show up to the gig for my band.

And fighting for things? Oh my, in my life I fought for things I've wanted and I've lost, could I have fought harder? Of course but those are regret's I'll take with me as lessons, and let me tell you, I've also fought for things I've wanted and I've won,
still knowing when to give up even something as silly as a dream of being in an Aaron Carter music video, is everything but irresponsible. Because sometimes fighting for something is just as important as knowing when to stop.

And do I have plans?
Fudge no.
None, I have choices and numerous paths that I may take.
I have nothing set in stone, I don't have tomorrow set in stone..
Because I refuse to wake up one day to a mediocre life with my mediocre children and mediocre sex with my mediocre husband living in a mediocre house eating a mediocre dinner because I couldn't get home in time from my mediocre job.

I live each day as a gift, I go with the flow because my flow will take me to where I need it to be.
I don't do shit without thinking first, I know myself. I know me better than anyone ever will.
I know what I'm capable of and I don't blame anyone for my failures but me.
I fail at shit.
I failed a lot but at no given point have I ever let anyone besides my closest group of whores inside long enough to find out what it's like to see me cry.

I don't let failure decide my tomorrow.
I never have and I never will.

So yes,
I guess I really am a "go with the flow" kind of girl..
And you know what?
There's nothing fucking wrong with that.



ps. don't get use to serious Sabina, she only comes out once in a statue of liberty hot cheeto.


xo Binch